I was looking for important topics that answer many of the questions that our youth raise in almost every church meeting and challenge them every day of their life. Through my search, I found a good number of topics addressed by church fathers and servants including Bishop Moussa, Bishop Serapion, Fr. Bishoy Kamel, Fr. M. Mikhail, Fr. Markos Hanna, Deacon Ramsis Naguib, and others. I thought to combine all of them in this booklet hoping to provide one source to those who wish to hear our church’s view. These topics include:
1. Christianity; A Holistic Stand
2. Understanding Celibacy
3. The Characteristics Of A Chaste Youth
4. The Keys To A Life Of Joy
5. Youth And Emotion
6. A Sound View Of Marriage
7. A Sound View Of Sex
8. A Sound View Of Emotion
9. The Crisis Of Contemporary Youth
10. Youth and Dance
11. Drugs and Addiction
12. Dating
13. Brain Death
14. AIDS
15. Euthanasia
16. Christian Views of Gambling
17. Christian View of Drinking
18. Tattoing And Body Piercing
19. Church’s View of Abortion
20. Church’s View of Homosexuality
May the Lord make His words work in the hearts of those who seek Him.
1. Christianity; A Holistic Stand
Some people imagine that they are Christians simply because they know a great deal bout the Lord of Glory, Jesus Christ, have acquired many of the great Christian doctrines, have offered numerous proofs of the truth of the Christian faith, and have assimilated intellectually all the Church sciences such as theology, ritual, and history.
Some others imagine that they are Christians because they persist in remaining with the congregation of believers in the house of God. They attend the meetings, as well as any sermons that have changed many into philosophers and critics, and not into true disciples of Jesus Christ.
A third group imagines that Christianity is a struggle to become part of the Church environment in some social sense. They offer some visible services to the Church so that they can become members of the Church committee or deacons, or they join one of the different Sunday schools.
What we hope to realize today is that Christianity is not information, practices, or services as much as it is a total stand that has an impact on all life, influencing it with a particular way of thinking. The whole soul enters into a specific way of life and adopts special ways of behaving.
Christianity, in fact, is a position of the heart, from which emanate all the directions of the soul and the aims and objectives of life.
Repentance in Christianity is not a matter of feeling, of appearances, or of formalities. It is a deep inner turning of the spirit on the axis of the center of life. All of life becomes, after that, a spontaneous fruit of this complete, profound, and holistic stand. It is a position in which there is submission to God with all joy and love. Our will has to travel along a path that is parallel to God’s will, and our interests have to emanate from His heart. Our thoughts and the directions of our life, our daily behavior must be an expression of an inner life that submits to God without reservation. The following are some examples:
1.1 Our Stand towards Sin:
It is not enough that we refrain from sin out of some sort of reaction, of Puritanism, or out of a feeling that one is doing a favor to God. Our attitude to sin must come from a heart that loves Christ, and therefore hates sin. This feeling is apparent in those who have gone some distance in the way of the kingdom, but they only attain it after they take hold of the beginning. The danger, in our case, is that we may not have made a beginning as yet, that is, that our mingling in the Church environment may not be out of sincere submission to Christ, but may be a blind walk in the same procession as the people who are within the framework of the church. If we examine the life of the fathers, we will understand what this inner stand means. For example, when the pagan nobleman wanted to wed the pure Potamena, she stood firm in an amazing way that human will alone could never have achieved. She preferred to be thrown in boiling oil to becoming the wife of a pagan nobleman. What made her take this external firm stand? Is it not the decisive inner stand, that is, Christ?
The young man whose hands and feet were tied and who was thrown into a situation in which his tormentors hoped he would sin, how did it become easy for him to bite off his tongue and throw it, with a stream of blood, which is what man holds as most precious, in the woman’s face so that she fled from the power of his purity? How did this awesome situation become easier than committing a sin that he could have found a thousand excuses for? Is it not an soul that is determined to live the life of Christ that is responsible for this glorious action?
How did the pure young man, Didymus, enter into the den of pagans, fearing neither death nor the authority of the enemy, to snatch the chaste Theodora from between the teeth of those beast and to remain himself to face death with joy? Is it not because he loved purity and Christ? Is it not because he could not bear to see the bride of Christ between the fangs of Satan, and so gave himself to death in the spirit of sacrifice with which the Lord saved him?
Boiling oil ... and no sin!
Death ... and no sin!
The sword ... and no sin!
These are profound stands with their whole beings that made the glorious external stand easy for them.
And you, dear young man, probe your depths and ask yourself: What if I were in their place? Would I commit sin and find excuses, and how strong these can be? Or would I actually reject sin and accept death?
May the Lord pour His Spirit now in our hearts so that we can take this stand, so that we can prepare ourselves to face sin in its different guises.
1.2 Our Stand toward the Commandments:
A prevalent phenomenon in our Church these days is that many of those who attend mass and meetings regularly do not change from the way they are. As soon as someone hurts their pride or takes their money, they quickly become ferocious lions that are ready to tear others to pieces!
As though our Christ was not the victim of false accusations and injustice!
As though our Christianity is no longer a cross that we have to bear and follow our Lord.
It is unfortunate that people refrain from carrying out the thought of Christ. They imagine that it is a thinking that has failed, and that its methods are unacceptable in dealing with people.
Christ said: If your brother sins go and tell him about it!
Christ said: Love your enemies!
Christ said: It is more blessed to give than to receive!
What is our attitude to these words in practice? Did it ever happen that my brother sinned against me and did I do what the Lord commanded and go and tell him about it, whether he accepted this or not?
Do I feel that my heart is open to the whole world and all creation without exception, even if there are those who give me a hard time?
Do I offer it the sincere love, which I receive directly from the Lord in faithful prayer?
Do I close my heart to needy brothers and have surplus food on my table while my brother, whether they are blood relations or not, are dying of hunger?
Would that we would read the Bible and underline every commandment that the Lord Jesus Christ gives us and then carry it out, asking Him for grace and help. And how easy it is for those who are faithful in obedience!
1.3 Our Stand towards the World:
This is a third touchstone of the sincerity of our inner Christian stand. The Lord put three truths about their relationship to the world before His disciples (Jn.17:14-18).
• You are not of this world, just as I am not of this world.
• Do not take them out of the world, but keep them form the evil one.
• As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world.
Is this my position in my life, both internally and externally?
Do I live with the sure feeling that I am not of this world, that I am a citizen of heaven and that my only aim is to live in the Kingdom of God?
Or are these merely human expressions and intellectual meditations that have no practical application?
Do my relationships to work, money, colleagues, the family, and service witness to the fact that I am a heavenly person who does not work for himself or for the things of the earth?
Do I live every day claiming the Christ’s prayer: keep them from the evil one. Do I never cease from asking that it may be true in my life and thus use the world as though I did not use it? Or do I live in a way that is no different from the way my worldly brothers live; do I become involved in work and in accumulating money, in establishing my feet on the earth? Do I ignore the effort I must make in the way of holiness and union with God?
Do I pray daily that the Lord might prepare me to behave in this world as an ambassador sent by God for an aim and a purpose? An ambassador who carries to the world a message of salvation, that he utters through the Holy Spirit of God, and that he lives through the action of rich grace and a faithful life?
Would that we might not be lost in the crowd and the noisy procession, but that we might go forward with a deep and total stand. "She said within herself..."; let us touch the border of the clothes of the Savior and, at once, the bleeding of dangerous sin in us will stop. We will enter into a healing of spirit and soul and witness to the crowds who eagerly follow Christ seeking for a way to be saved.
I invite you, dear reader, to enter into your chamber now and to examine your inner stand:
Do you belong to Christ?
Are you against sin?
Do you obey the commandments?
Do you have a message witnessing to the Lord?
2. Understanding Celibacy
How can I understand celibacy? Is it the condition of not being married? Yes, celibacy in general is not marrying, for the celibate person does not get married. However, that is not all.
A bachelor does not get married either, but there is a great and basic difference between the bachelor and the celibate.
Let us review the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him be glory, when he taught about celibacy after he had discussed marriage and divorce. “His disciples said to him: ‘If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ But He said to them, ‘All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it let him accept it!” (Mt. 18:10-12).
Thus, the celibate person is the one who made himself a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.
Can everyone accept these words?
Our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him be glory, said: “but only those to whom it has been given... He who is able to accept it let him accept it”.
We wonder why He did not say this when He taught about prayer, or charity, or fasting, or when He completed the law of the Old Testament. The answer is clear; everyone has to accept these virtues and pursue them as they are necessary and useful for their salvation. But as for those who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, not everyone is able to do it, but only those to whom it is given.
Celibacy is a Gift of God
Those who think that it is merely a struggle on the part of the individual are wrong, no matter how holy that struggle is. Otherwise our Lord would not have said: “but only to whom it has been given...and he who is able to accept it, let him accept it”.
Therefore, it is a gift granted by God to individuals whose hearts He has examined, whose ardent love that pervades their life He knows.
They have made eunuchs of themselves for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. This reveals the extent and greatness of their surpassing love.
The celibate offers his life as a holy sacrifice, a sacrifice of love, on the altar of celibacy. It is true that everybody is invited to the kingdom, and everyone longs for the kingdom, and all are members in the body of Christ, but the soul of the celibate is a special bride of Christ’s.
The soul of the celibate has gone out after its Lord and is attached to Him. It lays all its life wholly in the hands of its Lord, and so Jesus Christ becomes its groom.
The Real Bridegroom of the Soul
Celibacy, as well as being a gift granted by God, is also a holy marriage, a strong and holy bond with Christ Who sanctifies all the bonds of marriage.
This holy marriage is totally confirmed, first of all, by the element of love, which gives determination and purpose. It is this love that gives all future striving meaning and value; it grants to those to whom it is given a pure will that does not rebel. It gives them a strong faith and great boldness that make them turn their back on the whole world with all its pleasures to desire Christ and to be enlightened by His love.
The celibate, who has fixed his eyes, his emotions, and his will as a special bride on the Beloved, devotes his life for the sake of Christ Himself. He does not consecrate it to any work or service however great, but, as the Lord says, for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.
This holy objective gives the service of the consecrated celibate the power of witnessing. St. Paul the Apostle was a celibate and served and ministered as the greatest minister in Christianity. Fiery Elijah, who was celibate, carried out the greatest of tasks; the secret of his power was that he fixed his eyes on the God of his holy fathers and was jealous with the jealousy of the Lord.
The soul of the celibate, which has become the bride of Christ, can confirm and witness to the surpassing beauty of Christ. It abandons everything to follow Him; its thought is free of all sense of the world. It separates itself from the world to unite with the Only One; it abandons many to unite with the One Who is fairer than the sons of men.
How beautiful are the words of one of the celibates:
O sweet and greatly beloved Jesus, grant that I may rest in You.
Above every creature
Above every health and beauty
Above every glory and honor
Above every wealth and prosperity
Above every knowledge and intelligence
Above every fortune and art
Above every happiness and joy
Above every sweetness and comfort
Above every promise and hope
Above every deserving and desire
Above all You give as gifts and talents
Above every happiness and joy; for my heart cannot really rest or walk well unless it rests in You, rising above every gift and every creation.
Lord Jesus Christ, my greatly beloved bridegroom, O great and pure love, the Master of all creation, grant me the wings of real freedom so that I might fly and rest in You.
Let others ask for whatever seems good to them other than You, but as for me, nothing is or will be good to me except You alone.
You are my God, my hope, my eternal salvation.
Celibacy is a gift, a holy marriage, and a bond of pure love; in it, the celibate soul sings a hymn of praise saying: "I am my beloved’s; and my beloved is mine."(Song 6:3).
Just as the bride leaves her home, her family, and her people to belong to the man who has become her head, all her love, and all her people, so does the soul do the same, if not more. The celibate soul becomes a special bride of Christ’s, leaving all its interests and business to walk in the way and in the light of its Bridegroom. It knows the paths of its Lord and His footsteps as He climbs the mountain of Golgotha. So it follows Him fearlessly and without hesitation. It drinks with Him the cup with delight and tastes suffering with Him happily. In spite of this, it is drunk with love and rejoices with hope. When it contemplates the glory that awaits it in the Beloved, its suffering is made lighter. Its whole being is emptied of the love of the world with all its beauties and pleasures because it has become the bride of the Victorious One Who has victory over the world, the Lord Jesus Christ, the real Bridegroom.
This holy marriage and living bond is completely apprehended by a mind that is open and aware of its nature. That is why the celibate individual does not despise or look down on marriage, for he did not become celibate in an attempt to escape marriage.
His life overflows with love and sweetness; he has all the potential to live a married life. Therefore, his attitude to marriage is a holy and humble one.
However, he follows the teachings of St. Paul the Apostle when he said: "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord - how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world - how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about both the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But he who is married cares about the things of the world - how she may please her husband” (1 Cor. 7:32-34).
Marriage has its duties and responsibilities, and in the face of this demanding love, the love of the husband or wife is divided.
For the sake of the undivided heart and of the surpassing love that fills the heart of the celibate, he consecrates his celibacy to Christ so that Christ may become all his preoccupation and all his love, and that he might become wholly, body, soul, and spirit, a temple of the Lord and a holy dwelling place for Him.
When he offers all his life a sacrifice of love, he cannot boast or feel that he has done anything greater than the married person. This is for the simple reason that he is aware of the truth, which is that celibacy is a grace and a free gift from above. If the celibate makes the error of boasting, he falls from this lofty love and distorts the beauty of celibacy.
Christ continues to bless the Sacrament of marriage; a sanctified marriage does not prevent a person from fellowship with God and from reaching the highest levels of worship.
3. The Characteristics Of A Chaste Youth
There is no doubt that the tide of sin prevalent in this age makes you groan everyday, asking of God’s powerful right hand salvation, chastity, and purity, for you as well as for all creation. There is also no doubt that you have experienced, by the grace of Christ, many times that you have spent in the joy of the Lord and in His light and His holiness. If you have not had this experience, I urge you to make haste to read the experiences of the saints on this subject. You will have noticed from your own experience as well as from the experiences of the saints that purity is a treasure of great price, which radiates joy and serenity in body, soul, and spirit. Let us long for purity and pursue it through grace. We will find that a chaste youth is always:
3.1 A Successful Youth:
"The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man;" (Gen. 39: 2). There is no doubt that a chaste youth retains his physical powers, which in turn develops his mental powers, which helps him to concentrate and study, and these are the two basic components of academic and professional success.
+ The chaste youth is not distracted and his powers are not dispersed, but you always find that he is sound and healthy, mentally alert, with constructive and holy enthusiasms, all of which necessarily contribute to preserving his purity and to forming a successful personality.
+ A chaste youth exercises control in everything: in food, rest, sleep, leisure, and interests; he is instinctually and emotionally well balanced.
3.2 A Courageous Youth:
The addiction to sin engenders an "inner cowardice" in the spirit, as well as a buried fear of situations where truth and witnessing are required. "The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion." (Pr. 28: 1). "For Herod feared John, knowing that he was a just and holy man;" (Mk. 6: 20). The ascetic isolated John the Baptist used to lift the voice of truth in the face of the adulterous king; "It is not lawful for you.”
There is a foolish reckless courage whose motive is injustice to others and glorifying of the self, and there is a Christian courage, which takes powerful positions and utters fiery words, supported by a loving heart and by a lowly and humble spirit.
+ A chaste youth always forges ahead; he fears nothing because he desires nothing: "I stood at the summit of the world the day I felt that I feared nothing and desired nothing" (St. Augustine).
+ He is not lax about the truth and is not timid about witnessing; he does not submit to sin either in his private life or in his public life.
3.3 A Free Youth:
There is no doubt that sin impresses the soul with the stamp of slavery, for "whoever commits sin is a slave of sin" (John 8:34).
The pure heart has broken its bonds and is free from its habits and its bondage. It has escaped the enemy’s captivity to walk in the way of the Kingdom with steady steps, neither looking behind nor fearful of what is ahead. The enemy has been crushed beneath its feet through grace, and the bonds on its hands and within it have been broken, and it has been set truly free.
One day, the Lord said to the Jews, "if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed" (John 8:36); they rebelled and objected saying that they were "Abraham’s descendants and have never been in bondage to anyone" (John 8: 33).
While they were groaning under the yoke of bondage to the Romans, they were boasting of a spurious liberty. History is repeating itself. For here are the atheists of this age singing of their freedom and ignoring the fact that their liberty is only a dangerous fake. They are slaves to their pleasures. We defy them to be free of them without Christ! Genuine liberty is when a human chooses between two options, but for him to pursue sin and corruption is the very essence of slavery.
3.4 A Youth that is Open to Others:
A pure youth has escaped from the captivity of self and is open to others. It is obvious that impurity is the direct and rapid expression of the love of a human being for himself. That is why the saints have connected impurity to pride. An immoral youth despises himself and extends this contempt to others through a morbid personality. A chaste youth, however, listens to the Lord’s witness in his life, humbles himself and attributes everything to God. He opens his heart to everyone in a welcome that is devoid of selfishness or self-interest.
The pure youth forgets himself in God and in his neighbor, whereas the immoral youth forgets God and his neighbor for the sake of self.
Probably the most successful way of achieving chastity is for the young person to emerge from his egotism and go forward towards others, sharing their pain and joys and serving them in love and humility.
3.5 A Joyful Youth:
This means a serene personality that has no complexes and no deviousness. It has no need for morbid introversion or for a passive humility in society. It does not suffer from the depression that follows a fall, but rather his body, heart and actions radiate the hope of grace. Whenever you meet him, his joy and peace overflow to you and that is why you love to encounter him.
The deviant youth is torn apart with anxiety, and he destroys his potential with repressed desires. He becomes a slave to different wrong types of enjoyment, which inevitably affect his psychological and spiritual life.
The life of the pure youth is filled with stable and profound joy because he feels that his sins are forgiven in the blood of Christ and that his heart is still in the presence of God all the time.
3.6 A Youth with Well-defined Traits:
It is clear that a young person who is tossed by the currents of sin always hesitates in making decisions or in taking the appropriate steps in any given situation. He is weak in the face of the currents of evil and the opportunities for sin in society in general as well as in his inner life.
The young person who has not decided on his way and has not defined his traits is always falling away; he feels that he is less than those who are evil.
The chaste youth, however, has well-defined traits. He knows his way and makes the decision to keep away from sin and transgression quickly and willingly. He is therefore esteemed by good and evil alike, is socially successful and loved by all.
3.7 A Fruitful Youth:
+ The deviant soul is barren and without fruit: "What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? (Rom. 6: 21).
The pure spirit is occupied with God and bears fruit in the life of union; it is occupied with souls and bears fruit in the life of service; and it is occupied with holy interests and so is fruitful in the life of example.
+ The pure soul obtains the fruits of the spirit through the Holy Spirit: "love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." (Gal.5: 22). A pure soul is productive and effective and has visible influence on others, contributing to their salvation and working for the glory of Christ.
And now, dear reader, I invite you to spend a few quiet moments in the presence of God during which you examine yourself and submit your life and give yourself to the Lord totally without reservations. Then start to strive in the way of holiness without hesitation, looking back, or despair, but rather with joy, perseverance and strength, confident that heaven watches your struggles and rejoices in them. The blood of Christ is sufficient for daily cleansing and complete purification.
Listen to the great Anthony: "Make an effort to read what will save you from impurity." St. John Chrysostom says: "The face that has been sanctified by the sign of the cross should not bow before Satan." St. Ambrose says: "The cross heals lust."
"The Lord’s hand is not too short to save", "let us lay our lives at his feet with lowliness and joy, confident that our God is with us and that victory is form the Lord."
4. The Keys To A Life Of Joy
The question that probably looms large in the mind of youth, particularly these days, is: How can I obtain a stable life of joy that is devoid of hesitation or deficiency? Why do we sometimes lose the feeling of joy and find we are confined to feelings of pain or remorse, or to feelings of fear and anxiety?
What are the keys to a life joy? We can, when we examine the experiences in our life realistically, discover four basic reasons that deprive us of joy, opposed to which our four basic keys to this blessed life:
4.1 The Key of Repentance:
You have surely, my young brother, heard a great deal about this key, but you might have stopped right there.
Have you actually experienced moments in which you humbled yourself at Christ’s feet declaring your remorse at a sorrowful and sinful past and your determination to lead a holier life?
Do you not agree with me, dear young brother, that the experience of our lamentable sins is the essentially discordant note in the harmony of a beautiful life?
There is not one time when my life has gone down the precipice of sin that I have not felt torn by pain, devastated by remorse, and filled with fear!
If you need scientific proof of the truth that it is sin that makes us lose our peace, the writings of psychologists attest to this truth. There is a play by the French philosopher, Sartre, which revolves around the theme of remorse entitled "The Wolves", these wolves being the painful pricks of the conscience of the sinful soul.
If we look for a sound way of dealing with the heavy load of remorse, which overwhelms us as a result of a fall, we will only find it in the light of the gospel. The psychological method may try to calm us, making us feel that everyone sins, and that it is perfectly normal and commonplace, and that what is required is a stronger will so that we finally overcome this destructive slavery. The philosophical approach, at least Stare’s for example, advises us to reject remorse and to revolt against it. This revolution is nothing but the strongest evidence of its continued presence within us.
The Lord Jesus Christ, however, enlightens our hearts and calls us to Him, saying: "he who comes to me I will in nowise cast out." Christianity transforms remorse into repentance, and the sorrows of sin into the joy of prayer and union with God. Christ opens His loving heart to the repentant sinner and makes him go home justified.
Christ is ready, dear reader, to forgive all your sinful past and not to remember you sins any more. All He asks of you is that you be convinced of the terribleness of sin, transgression, and separation from God and that you return to His Fatherly bosom with a determined heart.
Christ does not only forgive, but He also makes haste to purify the heart until He lifts it above sin. If we sin, "we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (1 Jn. 2: 1).
O what joy there is in the heart of the repentant sinner, and in all of heaven! O what joy fills the lives of those who return to God with sincerity!
Dear reader, if you find that your soul is sad and disturbed, ask yourself, search and look; there might be a sin you love that is preventing the inpouring of heavenly joy in your life. Let us spend a few moments examining ourselves so that we present them to the Lord in sincere repentance and holy promise!
4.2 The Key of Discovering the Meaning of Life:
The basic scourge behind the problems of the youth of this generation all over the world, is probably either a feeling that this world is trivial to the point of boredom and contempt, or a feeling that it is glorious to the point of deifying and worshipping it.
We thus see young people dividing into numerous groups: those who search for life in its pleasures and riches, and those who shun it in a stultifying morbid passiveness.
Why am I here? This is a question being studied by the philosophers and literary figures of the age. Since our youth does not get a satisfactory answer to this question, they end in the pits of immorality, atheism, and a disturbing anxiety.
Life is not meaningless, and existence is not superfluous as some atheistic existentialists and some modern authors imagine. The existence of grinding tribulations, of bitter pain, or of unfortunate inequities are not evidence of the meaningless of existence. In the few moments that we spend by a sick person, we impart to him love and encouragement, and during the moments spent by a sad person in pain, we support him with our tenderness and our practical brotherly prayers, as well as during the moments in which we pull a friend out of the fire of sin and the pit of despair. All these show us that love is the basic solution to the problem of existence.
We were created as a result of God’s great love. If we travel across a world that is painful, it is to give us the opportunity to express our love for God and men. There is no greater evidence of love other than suffering pain for the beloved. The Lord suffered for us and thus revealed His love for us and, so we have to suffer also for His Name’s sake and for our oppressed brothers as a expression of our love for Him and for them.
Hence, we discover our mission and the meaning of life and existence: that we serve with all our hearts and so rejoice and are happy, so that we break out of our selfishness and isolation to be poured on the altar of love as holy sacrifices of service that unite and glorify humanity.
Let us offer love to each individual who is despised, deprived, deceived, or lost. This is a fundamental key to our joy and his.
4.3 The Key of Submission:
It is hard for a human to rejoice when he is in the midst of trials and tribulations. But the Apostle Paul challenges problems saying: "I now rejoice in my sufferings" (Col. 1: 24), "Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake" (2 Cor. 12: 10).
When will the Lord open our eyes so that we discover the secret of confident submission and give up our grinding worries! Our greatest problem is that our faith in the love of God is weak, as is our faith that "all things work together for good to those who love God" (Rom. 8: 24).
Our real problem is that we let our problems come between Christ, and us and so we do not see Him beyond them. The image of the face of Love and the work of His powerful right hand disappear from view. It would be better for us to put Christ between us and the problems, and so we see them, through Him, as light and simple.
Albert Camus once said: "This life deserves suicide, but I do not prefer this." But we say to his likes: "Welcome to pain, as long as we are in the bosom of God and within the embrace of Christ. Welcome to the fears about our future and to the unknown in life. Everything radiates with light if we take it with us into the presence of Christ.
O how sweet is confident submission, and how happy is the soul that calmly submits itself into God’s loving hands, the Great Physician who hurts in order to heal. Let us henceforth reject all complaining and all powerless submissiveness that is in revolt to God’s will. Let us accept God’s providence for our lives with joy and love and in an enlightenment that sees good in everything, even in pain!
4.4 The Key of an Eternal Outlook:
Voltaire said long ago: "Man is born, suffers, then dies." Beckett said: "Man emerges from the darkness of the womb and goes to the darkness of the tomb, traversing the darkness of life." And Freud said: "Let us leave heaven to the angels and the birds".
But let us simple folk tell them with full confidence: "Take from Christ light to show you the path, for eternity lies before us with all its joys, and heaven with all its glories pulls us toward it. There is something beyond the grave! El Hakim says about this: "He put eternity in their hearts, without which man cannot know the meaning of the work that has been done from the beginning to the end".
Truly, how did the chaste Potomaine stand before the boiling oil and lose her earthly life with confident joy?
How did Barbatoa throw herself in front of the devouring fierce animals desiring such a terrifying fate?
How did the procession of thirty thousand martyrs travel from Damanhour to Alexandria, singing hymns of victory on their way to the grave?
Hence, there is something beyond the grave! There is real existence and real joy!
Your earthly ambitions, my young brother, for what is of the flesh, for material wealth, for position and prestige, will not give you joy but only anxiety. But the moments of private prayer in your room and of silent bowing between the hands of God will fill your heart with light and will show you the way.
Is there a sin that needs repentance?
Is there selfishness that needs giving?
Is there a problem that needs trusting submission?
Is there an earthly attachment that needs to be broken and is there a need to look towards heaven?
I leave you now in the hands of God so that you may examine your life and look for the lost key to joy.
5. Youth And Emotion
There are numerous questions that young people ask about the possibility of having a pure romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex as a kind of preparation for marriage. We do not want to unjustly accuse these young people of disobedience because of this thinking. A lot of young people have honest intentions and are worried about the difficulty of finding a life-partner after graduation and becoming involved in a career. This does not, however, prevent us from discussing this matter as fully as possible.
5.1 What is emotion?
Emotion is a psychological predisposition caused by a number of emotional responses to a certain subject, which may have aroused in the person certain inclinations. It is an inclination of the self toward a certain subject. It is acquired through experience and teaching.
There is a difference between emotions itself and an emotional response. The former is acquired gradually and repetitively while the latter is a temporary experience.
A simple examination of the components of human personality shows us that the personality of a human being is the product of the interaction between the individual and the environment. An individual consists of what is innate such as the instincts, responses to stimuli, psychological needs, and impulses as well what is consciously acquired such as emotions, habits, tendencies, and what is unconscious such as complexes. The home, school, church, and general environment all play important roles in the formation of the personality.
It is therefore clear that emotions are an important component of the personality. Its sound channeling contributes to the building up of the young person, not to his destruction.
There are different types of emotions. There are some that are personal, subjective, and concrete such as the love of the child for its mother.
They can be material and group- oriented such as his love for his family or school, or they can be objective and abstract such as love of honesty, sacrifice, and truthfulness.
5.2 How does an emotional relationship occur?
Meeting with someone could arouse certain emotions, or the desire to dominate the other. This stage is similar, in many cases, to the relationship of a child with his mother, or a daughter with her father.
In the case of healthy development, the adolescent begins to change the objects of his or her love from those inside the family to those that are outside it. If this does not happen, the adolescent fails in his or her public and family life since he cannot adjust to the new situation or be weaned from the emotional ties of the family. This is the cause of many problems nowadays.
Thus, we can see that emotion is intimately connected to two factors:
1. Self: Unless I am attracted to the object of my emotions, I will not become attached to it. There is a taking and there is something gained from this emotion.
2. The body: the emotions are one of the constituents of the human personality. The psyche, with its impulses, its instincts, its different components, is intimately related to the body, and expresses itself through it. Anger affects the body, and so do joy and lust.
The difference between emotion and love:
Hence, we realize that there is a vast difference between love and emotion, no matter how pure it may seem to be. One quickly discovers the fact of its relation to the body. No matter how giving, self-sacrificing, and willing to do anything for the loved one it may appear to be, when it is tested, it can change into a bitter hatred at the first dispute or humiliation.
The example of Amnon and Tamar is a case in point. Amnon loved his stepsister, and when he took what he wanted, "Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her" (2 Sam. 13:15).
This probably explains why so many marriages that were based on emotions have failed. Many crimes may be committed out of revenge on the part of a lover if the feelings of the beloved change or are diverted to someone else, or if the emotion is not reciprocated.
In contrast, love is self-sacrificing and spiritual. Love is total giving without reservation and measure. Emotion is a deal that is carefully calculated, but love is total self-sacrifice in Christ, a profound unity, and a spirituality that is not moved by the body but by the Spirit of God.
Love, therefore, is more stable, deeper, and more lasting. Every marriage that is built on a sacrificing spiritual love will be successful.
In the marriages of this age, we see the commercial spirit: what has he benefited and what have I benefited? Which of us has won this round? But spiritual love rises above self, body, and money. If each partner is willing, because of his life in Christ, to give himself or herself to the other without hesitation, how can problems arise?
4. How should a young man choose his life-partner?
Our advice to young men is not to pursue their emotions while they are still university students or even when they are starting on a career after graduation. This is not the way to a sound marriage. Concentrate your hearts and interests on your salvation and on your studies and work.
When a person is spiritually, psychologically, socially, and financially mature and ready, he can begin to think of marriage in a sound way. He takes the matter to God and to his father confessor. He devotes to it prayers, fasts, masses, in total submission and obedience to the voice of God. And soon enough, he will begin to perceive the will of God over the horizon. He hears the voice of God clearly in the depth of his being and through his father confessor, and the voice of God is only clear if we ask for it persistently and sincerely without ulterior motive and without
insisting on a certain course of action.
Marriage is a sharing of life and its responsibilities and a union governed by giving and sacrificing. That is why it should not be entered into lightly, or we run the risk of building a new home on the weak foundation of emotion.
Keep close, dear young man, to your Christ, your Bible, and your Church as well as your studies, and postpone this matter to the proper time. It is certain that we change from year to year. Listen to what the Bible says: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." (Pr. 18: 22). "A prudent wife is from the Lord." (Pr. 19: 14). "Who can find a virtuous wife: for her worth is far above rubies." (Pr. 31:10).
Take your time, my friend, and determine the path you will travel. Be fixed in the life of salvation so that you are not lost like those who are; while you are looking for water, make sure you do not end with a mirage. Make eternity your first priority, for rest on earth can only come in Jesus Christ.
6. A Sound View Of Marriage
Marriage is a great sacrament. In spite of the greatness of this sacrament and the elevated position of the sexual function in it, there are many erroneous ideas about it, distorting it, reducing its value, and detracting from its significance.
It is a pity that our youth should be ignorant of the greatness of this sacrament and of the sexual function concomitant upon it. This misconception could lead to deviance threatening the role of sexuality in youth. This could in turn threaten the Christian family and Christian marriage and lead to the failure of many young people in their marriages. That is why I have undertaken, with an open heart, to discuss these erroneous ideas and I hope that you will get rid of them if they should be present!
Let me put to you some of the different perceptions our young people have, of whom you are one, and you will find that they all indicate a very strange phenomenon.
+A devout youth seems to be deep in thought; he seems perplexed and sad. When we inquire about the cause, he says that his Sunday School teacher has gotten married!
This young person might hide the shock this has caused him behind laughter. The conclusion he comes to is that this teacher has put an end to his spiritual life and that he is no longer fit for spiritual work because he has betrayed the spiritual principles and values, as though marriage were a betrayal of the virtuous life and a descent of man from the spiritual level to a lower one.
+ Another seems to have acquired, in some wrong way, some teachings about monasticism and celibacy and its being a better way of life than marriage. This has led him to form the notion that confuses marriage with a state approaching impurity. One of them said to me in protest: "How can a priest consecrate the offerings and touch these pure and holy sacraments when he is married?"
See how dangerous this concept that has been deeply ingrained in youth is, that marriage is ugly or that it is impure and is not compatible with the holiness of the sacrament of the offerings.
He is not aware that marriage is a sacrament the church sanctifies and includes in the sacraments just like the sacrament of the offerings. The Holy Spirit works in it exactly as it does in the bread and the wine. This misconception of what constitutes spirituality needs to be put right.
+ The third is truly to be pitied. Most probably, he is one of those who occasionally go to church. He hears about the harmfulness of bad habits, such as masturbation, which is true enough, but he exaggerates its harmful effects. This leads him to deviate more and more, because of his wrong view. He then resorts to the sin of engaging in unlawful sexual relations, in adultery. He tells himself or tells whoever might ask him: "I will not masturbate so that I do not suffer its harmful consequences which I have heard about, but I will do what all married people do, which is perfectly normal."
This young man, and those who are like him, who are confused about the difference between marriage and adultery, need attention and compassion. They need to be given sound information about sexual matters. They believe, and this is as far as their thinking has reached, that marriage is simply legal adultery. The image of marriage is distorted and the sanctity and purity of the sacrament of marriage is eclipsed by their ignorance, their lusts, and their recklessness.
There are many examples that indicate or clearly show that a misconception of marriage exists. Briefly, it is that marriage is nothing but legal adultery.
We need to examine thoroughly and at length this holy sacrament of marriage to ascertain what the role of the sexual function is in this pure sacrament.
The uniting of man and woman in this sacrament means, first of all, a deep, pure, spiritual unity.
The married love that binds them together in this marvelous union is that which the Lord Jesus Christ explained when He said: "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Mt. 19: 4-6). The purpose of the sexual intimacy is to affect the total union between two souls and two bodies that cooperate in life, for the purpose of bearing children.
The feeling of intimacy and pure love that carries out all its responsibilities for family life and for the children is what leads the man and woman to unite and not the other way round. The unity of the man and woman is only the holy expression and one of the good fruits of married love.
It is not fitting that the newborn human, who bears the image of God, should be the product of a transitory lust and an instinctual pleasure. It is more fitting, and this is the reality, that the newborn infant should be considered a blessed product and the fruit of married love and of the holy, pure, and sacramental marriage bond.
This is what the church says and teaches, and this is what you must grasp, dear youth. In fact, you need to grasp more than that in order that you may fully understand the holiness of this sacrament.
The sexual union that takes place in the Christian marriage is the result of God’s blessing of this marriage.
Therefore, the purpose of the sexual instinct and its function in marriage is sharing with God in the work of creation, with all the significance and power this implies.
The work of God in married life is extremely important, for He removes all evil and impurity from the sexual contact so that it might lead to blessing and life. That is why St. Paul the Apostle says: "Marriage is honorable among, all and the bed undefiled" (Heb. 13: 4).
As for adultery, it is a sexual contact that occurs far from God. Consequently, it produces death, for nothing impure will enter the kingdom of heaven (Rom 11: 27).
It is a sorry waste and a terrible degradation of a sacred energy that God has created in us for a noble purpose, which is to share with Him in creation.
It is degradation by a human of his body and of the law, which was given him for his honor and his life, and not for death and perdition.
+ Adultery is a selfish pleasure, which lowers the sexual function to a level below that of animals. In order to satisfy himself and his lust, man falls from his position, humiliates his body, and defiles the temple of God. (Every sin that a human being commits is outside his body, except for adultery in which he sins against his own body).
+ Have you understood, my friend, the basic difference between a holy sacrament in which God is present and a sin that prevents the one committing it from entering the kingdom of heaven?
+ Do you now know, dear friend, what this holy Sacrament is, how God sanctifies the bed, and how the man and woman rise to the level of a pure married love that is similar to the love of Christ for the Church?
In this view, sexuality in marriage becomes a great and holy work.
7. A Sound View Of Sex
You desire truth! When the conversation is about sex, or a book discusses sexual matters, you listen most carefully and are keen to read it. This is not wrong and you are not a curious youth because this subject preoccupies you or because you are eager to know more about it. Be reassured; you are a youth who is searching for the truth and who desires life.
I hope that we are not one of those people who understand chastity to consist of despising sex and everything related to it, just as I hope you will not be upset when you read the following words.
Chastity and purity are not found in those who despise sexual matters or in those who assume a spurious modest. Sex of itself is a noble thing and is something holy that God has created in us to His glory.
The Truly Pure Youth is the one who appreciates that sex and the sexual function have a great and immortal role.
The Truly Chaste Youth is the one who really knows how to behave in his sexual life. He appreciates the sexual function and puts it in its rightful place. He possesses both spiritual and scientific knowledge that is far removed from the immodesty of honeyed words. This is what we have decided to talk to you about. You desire the truth for your own good, so it is your right to learn the truth.
It is better that we convey the truth to you than that you should get it from erroneous sources that could ruin you life. Who knows? This wrong information could lead you to stray to a point where you would be far from leading a spiritual life and far from God.
There has been a lot of talk about instincts: their kinds, their number, and their roles. No matter what is said about the instincts, and no matter how greatly researchers and scientists may differ, the modern world cannot deny that both man and animals possess the following instincts:
• The instinct to look for food.
• The sexual instinct.
The reason is clear, for each of them has a basic and physiological effect in the bodies of both animals and humans.
+ The instinct to look for food has for purpose the sustenance of life and functions through the digestive system.
+ The sexual instinct has for purpose the preservation of the species, both the individual of the species and the species itself and functions through the reproductive system.
After this explanation, which is within the domain of science, we will discuss a view that can only be described as strange and dangerous towards the instincts in general and the sexual function in particular. This view is promoted by the materialism and the spirit of the age which strongly pervade the lives of young people so that they desire pleasure and pursue lust even if this is at the expense of spiritual values. This could also be at their personal expense!
Man, according to this view, is composed of body and soul.
+ The body is wholly separated from the soul and is ruled and controlled by the instincts.
+ The soul has its own needs and its own food.
Man has to fulfill the demands of the body, and descend to the level of satisfying his instincts, even if they do represent the animal part of man. Man can do nothing other than this. As long as anything is dictated by the instincts, it is considered natural.
The young man thus satisfies his lusts and gives in to their demands without any controls since his instincts require it! The sexual function, to him, is merely an animal function that man must satisfy and go along with no matter what the cost and what the price. This is what this erroneous attitude consists of!
This is an insidious principle that makes its way into your mind, and a false attitude that has no sound basis. Religion rejects it and science despises it; the honor of the young person refuses to submit to it.
There is nothing animal of the sort in the human being, and the sexual function is not animal in nature, as this attitude would indicate. It is inaccurate and grievously wrong to say that the instincts in man are totally similar to their counterparts in animals. In man, they are instincts that deserve to be called “human”.
The Purpose of the Sexual Instincts
The highest purpose of the sexual instinct is found in the sacrament of marriage. The function of the sexual instinct is as noble and glorious as this sacrament is great. The Church honors this sacrament and Christ blessed it when He attended the wedding at Cana of Galilee. The greatest minister in Christianity, that is, St. Paul the Apostle also discusses it (Heb. 13:4). He elevates the unity of man and woman and gives us a pure image of it when he compares it to the unity of Christ with the church: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything" (Eph. 5: 22 -24).
Then he addresses the men saying: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it that He might sanctify it... So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Eph. 15:26 -31).
It is the Holy Spirit Who works in the sacrament. It is the Holy Spirit Who changes the bread and wine into flesh and blood. The Holy Spirit descends on the water in the baptismal font so that man is born anew.
It is the Holy Spirit Who sanctifies the marriage bond so that it becomes a spiritual bond. That is why St. Paul the Apostle says: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled" (Heb. 13: 4). It is the Holy Spirit Who blesses and sanctifies this bond; therefore, what God has joined let no man separate.
8. A Sound View Of Emotion
Young people frequently experience an emotion that attracts them to the opposite sex. They then enter into relationships that they imagine are a pure and mature love. Frequently, these end in disappointment, failure, or sin.
This does not mean that pure love does not exist, for it certainly does. We need to know its characteristics and requirements.
It is an inner feeling that grows spontaneously, without the need for lies or trickery. Each lover gives of himself without pretense or effort. He or she makes sacrifices without feeling that they are too costly. Each considers the other, for he does not seek anything for himself or the satisfaction of his own desires.
Each of them is considerate of the other, bears his or her burdens, is upset when the other is, and rejoices in the loved one’s joy. It is a love that gives and does not take.
It is before all else a love that bears its responsibilities, and carefully and responsibly considers the next step. A love like this can only end in marriage.
In the sacrament of holy matrimony, each of the partners carries out the responsibilities of life. Each gives himself wholly to the other, for they unite and become one body.
It is married love that precedes sex and leads to it so that sex, as previously mentioned, becomes an expression of this love, preserving it, rendering it sweet, strengthening it, and making it grow.
This is holy married love in which there is a pure bond. It is the love that gives true freedom to man so that he meets life with a humble heart. It sanctifies sex for the purpose of childbearing and to the glory of God.
It is a great love, which abandons all that is childish and immature in the way of daydreams and the reckless passions of youth. It is a Christian love that the church endorses in the sacrament of marriage.
An Objection to be discussed
The question might be raised by a youth who says: "I love this girl but have no intention of marrying. In spite of that, I have no evil thoughts."
I want you to listen to me, my friend, before I end my discussion with a just and fair statement.
A young man often justifies himself when he falls in love with a certain young woman and has a romantic relationship with her by saying that he has no evil intentions or any lustful thoughts, and that he lives with his love and thoughts in a holy temple. I say to this young man: "Beware of the wiles of Satan, for he is crafty and his victims are strong. You are overconfident. Your enemy, the devil, is fighting you, but this time with trickery and deception.
Lust has found a resting place in you, and you have given in to it. He does not need to arouse it in you, for it already possesses you and has enslaved you. The strange thing is that while you are under its sway, the devil fools you into thinking that you are leading a pure life. That is why I want to warn you about this deception.
Is there any objection to being friendly with a girl whom I admire and whom I have the intention of marrying? It is as though the young man wants to say that there is nothing you can object to now since I am seeking marriage and, consequently, pure love as well.
I do not want to be unduly severe with you, but I visualize the young man who asks this question and I would like to answer it:
+ You are probably one of those vital young men who has just entered university or an institute. You meet a girl you admire and whose characteristics and traits appeal to you. She returns your feelings. You say to yourself: "It would be good to reciprocate her feelings, for I may lose her. This girl is interested in me and there is nothing to justify wasting this opportunity." You then go on to say: "What should prevent my thinking of marriage? She suits me very well and I too suit her." I do not want to enter into a long discussion, but allow me to bring a few points to your attention:
+ The liking you now feel may be honest and sincere up till now, but I am afraid you could get locked into it and it might become confused with love.
+ You could be locked into it in such a way that you lose your ability to think straight. You do not even look a few steps ahead to see the reality that awaits you.
+ Have you estimated how long it will take before you graduate?
+ When you graduate, will you be ready for marriage?
+ Have you considered the implications of this undertaking and its costs?
If you lock yourself into this relationship as one who locks himself into a cell, and answer: "Yes, I am ready",
+ How can you guarantee that you will remain in this condition, or that she will remain in this condition? Is it not possible that just as you admire her now, you might admire another later, and she might do the same?
Some Candid Advice
Do you think that your outlook on life while you are still looking at a distant future will remain the same when you graduate?
Can you claim that your understanding of the implications of this undertaking, with all its sweetness and bitterness and all its happiness and sadness, will be the same as your understanding of the situation when you actually face it?
I believe that I have put before you some fair questions that will help you form an opinion of the matter.
It would be useful to face yourself simply, to answer honestly, and to take your ideas to your father confessor who has a lot of experience, so that he may help you and so that you life may be pure and clean.
The young man who asks these questions might be about to graduate or might be one of those who are starting out on their working lives. Here, the case is different and needs different advice.
+ I imagine you to be a religious youth who is kind and of good character.
+ I imagine you to be serious in what you do and what you think.
+ I imagine the bitter struggle that is taking place in your spiritual life.
You may conduct yourself well where your sexual instincts are concerned; you neither descend into the mire nor do you exploit anyone.
Your assessment of the situation could be right. Your perception that this girl would make a good wife for you could be right. Or it could be wrong.
In accordance with your circumstances, your situation, your life, you social level:
+ Who will think with you and reassure you that what has awoken inside you will run its normal course?
+ Who will share with you in realistic and wise thinking about the requirements of the next stage?
+ Who will help you to come to a decision, either yes or no, someone who is far removed from cheap emotionalism or recklessness?
I therefore beg you that you do not remain alone. Thoughts can overcome you and end your spiritual life. I beg you to involve your spiritual guide, who may be your father confessor, with you. Place your thoughts before him and do not hide anything form him, even the feelings in your heart.
Talk to him frankly and discuss all the details of the situation with him. Do not go to a friend for advice, for he is in the same boat as you are, perplexed and inexperienced. If you cannot find a guide or a father confessor, go to an older and more experienced man who has experienced life and who honors the holy and noble life so that you can trust his judgment. Don’t be hasty, but have patience and don’t jump into anything. I want also to remind you of the prayer chamber where you ask for God’s advice; His guidance guarantees that you will have a holy spiritual life here, and a happy eternity.
Ask the Lord Jesus Christ, for He is near you, near your young man’s heart. By His grace, He will lead you to the sources of salvation and joy.
9. The Crisis Of Contemporary Youth
People differ in the way they perceive the age in which we live; some see that it is devoid of crises or problems while others believe the world has become like Sodom and Gomorrah. A third group contends that Christian life is possible regardless of the conditions of the era in accordance with God’s blessed promise "where sin abounded, grace abounded much more" (Rom. 5: 20).
However, there are certainly some problems that have arisen as a result of changing circumstances, modern developments, and the new problems that have come to our society from the West where there are scientific and technological advances in a land that does not enjoy the spiritual heritage that the East has. What concerns us only is how fast we can imitate the mistakes of the west.
We will briefly review five contemporary problems and God’s Holy Spirit will reveal to us how to face them.
9.1 The Problem of Atheism
It is one of the most dangerous problems abroad. The rapid scientific progress, which has bewitched people, has driven them, unnecessarily, to a kind of modern atheism. They reject God and worship gods made by men such as: the materialistic theories of life and society, new trends of thoughts, or even man himself. Twenty-five years ago, France, which is, as we know a Christian nation, had a population of 45 million of which only 9 million were registered in their birth certificates as Christians. The majority of these are alien to the Church because the strong current of modern civilization has driven them far from the simplicity of faith.
Man was filled with admiration for himself when he was filled with wonder at scientific progress. Waves of atheism and atheistic existential thoughts began to be widespread among youth. In actual fact, however, scientific progress is not the cause of atheism! It is an individual problem that is built on man’s adherence to certain deviant behavior that disturbs the conscience; in order to deceive his conscience, the individual denies God’s existence.
It is just an attempt to get rid of God’s voice, which calls us to repentance! There is not one real atheist, according to St. Augustine, for atheism is fabricated, and we are all believers. We can only find rest in the bosom of God! In the very depths of our being, there is an inner voice that confirms God’s existence and invites us to find complete rest in His arms.
The scientifically and economically developed societies give us the greatest proof of the importance of faith for the human spirit. In spite of their progress, we see a steady increase in psychological diseases and in nervous disorders. Here is spiritual and psychological emptiness, which can only be filled by the Lord Jesus Christ Himself!
The deep-rooted secret behind the spiritual and psychological peace of the man is the existence of the Lord in our lives, for Christ is "our peace" (Eph. 2: 14).
9.2 The Problem of Anxiety
This is a characteristic of the twentieth century; the diseases of the age such as hypertension, heart disease, and ulcers have resulted from nervous and spiritual exhaustion, fear, and anxiety. Modern man lives from childhood in perpetual anxiety. He prepares for his primary then secondary examinations, followed by his school leaving and his university examinations. He also prepares for his future and for a family. He considers emigration in order to achieve a better financial position, or he has the problem of being appointed to a job in a distant place.
Thus, we find that the life of man has become a series of anxieties and worrying matters. What is the solution?
The only solution is faith, for fear is nothing but weak faith. Our fathers lived on the minimum resources and their motto was, as the apostle says, "And having food and clothing, with that we will be content" (1 Tim. 6: 8). I met a man who had emigrated and amassed a vast fortune, but who was afraid his fortune would be lost or stolen, or that he would become ill or die suddenly! Fear is a terrible feeling that destroys the spirit. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is our only weapon against fear.
It is with faith that Joseph triumphed in the house of Potiphar, confident of God’s presence with him in that house. It is by faith that Daniel overcame in the lion’s den. By holding on to faith, Nehemiah built the walls of Jerusalem in bitter and dispiriting circumstances.
Constant and continual grumbling and complaining in front of our children will produce a weak and fearful generation. We need, today, to listen to the voice of the Lord, saying: "It is I; be not afraid" (Mk. 6: 50).
Through faith we overcome anxiety and destroy fear, even if our faith in Christ is the cause of derision or mockery. Our living faith is the practical response and the clear proof of the rightness of the Christian way and of the need of the human spirit for it.
Our Church is rich in faith and it does not behoove us to lose this heritage through our weakness. Would that we might hand this weapon down to our children so that they may stand in the evil day and wage the wars of the Lord.
9.3 Deprivation from Tenderness
It is said that the Egyptian people are sentimental and that the peoples of the world have started to lose this sentiment. Although the mother is still a mother, she has begun to lose her feelings of tenderness in the face of the pressures of modern society.
The new generation is so deprived of tenderness that educators advise the mother who has to use formula to feed her children to feed them while she holds them in her arms. Emotional deprivation is the principle cause of many of the problems of the age.
The young girl who is deprived of love and tenderness will respond quickly to any sign of it in young man who is far below her in social status, and will prefer him over the many material advantages in her father’s house. The home in which children are deprived of tenderness and love because of the parents’ preoccupation with their work will instill in the children the seeds of deviance, rebellion and wrongdoing.
The home is the child’s first school. The family discord that has torn most Christian families make it impossible to raise a healthy and peaceful youth.
We hand down faith to our children; as St. Paul said to his disciple, Timothy, "the faith…which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also" (2 Tim. 1:5). The family that meet everyday around the altar of family prayer and reads the words of the Holy Gospel, raises youth who have inner peace, spiritual fulfillment, and a love of sanctity.
Our pressing need at present is for the loving Coptic family that teaches its children love and removes any selfishness in them.
9.4 A Whirlwind Life
Modern civilization has deprived the man of the twentieth century of appropriate leisure time in which he can be quiet alone to pray, read, and to forge relationships with the members of his family and with his friends in sound Christian love.
Man no longer has moments of solitude every day, and no opportunities during the week to have time alone in which he can find with Christ the milestones along the way, to get rid of his weaknesses and sins, to be filled and satisfied with Christ, and to pray for others.
Twentieth century man rests the machine but will not take any rest himself! He is always running with a strange and restless energy and an astonishing preoccupation in work and in obtaining material goods. Unfortunately, he falls out of sheer exhaustion. He must calm down. We need to create for ourselves the opportunities for quiet contemplation, self-examination, and fulfilling solitude.
9.5 Moral Disintegration
There is nothing new in the nature of a young man or a young woman, but what is new are the means of arousal. How does each think of new ways of attracting the other’s attention? If the human being lets reins of his life go and submits to lust, he becomes captive to it and a slave to its exhausting demands.
How greatly our youth need to avoid temptation?
In reality, there are not problems inherent in this age, but the real problem lies in the superficiality of the children of Christ. If they sends their roots to the depths, they would be changed into a light to lead modern young people who are stumbling around in the dark.
10. Youth and Dance
1. When one becomes a Christian, everything takes on a new perspective:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" (2 Co 5:17).
2. This also applies to certain social activities:
a. Which before we may have considered harmless.
b. But now understand may not be proper for Christians - cf. 1 Pe 4:2-3.
3. One such activity is dancing:
a. Especially in its modern and popular forms.
4. What is wrong with dancing? In this lesson, I wish to:
a. Explain why dancing is unbecoming of those who call themselves Christians.
b. Address commonly raised objections by those who seek to approve of dancing.
The Sin Of Lasciviousnes
A. Lasciviousness Condemned...
1. As a work of the flesh - Ga 5:19 (KJV, ASV).
a. Translated "lewdness" in the NKJV.
b. Translated "sensuality" in the NAS.
c. Translated "debauchery" in the NIV.
d. Translated "licentiousness" in the RSV.
2. As that which defiles a man - Mk 7:21-23 (KJV).
B. Lasciviousness Defined...
1. The Greek word is aselgia, defined as "unbridled lust...wanton acts or manners (including) filthy words, indecent bodily movements, unchaste handling of males and females"
2. The English word lascivious is defined "exciting sexual desires; salacious"
3. Anything which excites the lust of the flesh (words, bodily movements, unchaste handling) is therefore considered sinful
a. Of course, this applies to the stirring up of sexual desires and sensual pleasures outside the bond of marriage.
b. The Bible recognizes the place for sexual expression, but limits such to those who are married - cf. He 13:4.
c. The excitement of lust between those not married is sinful, condemned by Jesus in Mt 5:28.
1) It is wrong to lust for another person
2) It must therefore be wrong to arouse lust in another person
[Having defined the sin of lasciviousness, one must now ask: "Does popular dancing arouse the lusts of the flesh, and therefore qualify as lasciviousness?" My reply would be yes...]
The Sin Of Dancing
A. Non-Christians Recognize Dancing As Lustful...
1. "The popular teen-age dances of the mid20th century have no set steps; the dancers respond spontaneously to the beat of the musicians. The degree of satisfaction attained by young people "twisting" or "shaking" to the blare of amplified music in dance halls, further enlivened by psychedelic lighting, is different from the pleasure derived by their elders waltzing to the `Blue Danube' - but it is only a difference of age and time. Fundamentally, both age groups are enjoying the pleasure of dancing in their own way...The end product is doubtless the same - physical pleasure in the activity of dancing and sexual awareness of a partner, whether embraced or half-consciously observed." - Encyclopedia Britannica, "The Art Of Dance", Vol. 5, p. 455-456 (1979 edition).
2. "...The social dance has usually been the result of joint physical exuberance and sex stimuli..." - Collier's Encyclopedia, "Dance", Vol. 7, p. 683 (1964 edition).
3. "Another motive for the dance is the sexual motive - the dance has always been used as a means of expressing sexual desire and as a means of wooing...We find this same sex motive in the modern ballroom dance, which has now degenerated into dull and stupid forms, but it is a legitimate opportunity for contact." - Dance We Must (1938, reprinted 1950), p. 6 (from a series of lectures given by Ted Shawn at George Peabody College For Teachers).
4. "All ballroom dancing in pairs looks toward intercourse. In this respect the Puritans were dead right...The development of no-contact dances has come about because one doesn't now need a social excuse to embrace a girl, but as an excitant it need not involve contact at all - in fact, dances like flamenco or the twist are far more erotic than a clinch because you aren't too close to see one another. At its best this sort of dance is simply intercourse by remote control." - The Joy Of Sex, Alex Comfort, p. 162 (1972).
5. The Roman orator Cicero says: "No man who is sober dances, unless he is out of his mind, either when alone or in any decent society, for dancing is the companion of wanton conviviality, dissoluteness, and luxury." - New Unger's Bible Dictionary (1988).
B. Common Sense Tells Us That Dancing Is Lustful
1. What would be your reaction if you saw an entire dance floor with people of the same sex dancing together?
a. If dancing was morally neutral, having no sexual overtones, there would be no reaction at all!
b. But most would be shocked, suspecting they had stumbled into a "gay" dance
2. Listen to what is simply common sense:
a. If we would expect such a dance to be an expression of "gay" sensuality...
b. ...how can we deny that people of opposite sex dancing together is an expression of heterosexual activity?
[Both common sense and the testimony of people in the world confirm that dancing is an activity which has the arousal of sexual desires as its main appeal. Should Christians be making provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts? Not according to Ro 13:14... "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill it lusts." But almost invariably, those who desire to dance or allow their children to dance raise some objections...]
Commonly Raised Objection
A. "Dancing May `Turn On' Other People, But I Don't React That Way..."
1. For the sake of argument, let's assume that some people either:
a. Do not have strong sexual urges.
b. Have grown spiritually to the point they can keep their urges under control.
2. The dancing under consideration involves two persons
a. Even if one is not so affected, the other may be!
b. In which case, the "spiritual" person becomes a stumbling block to the other person, an instrument for the other person's indulgence in fleshly lusts.
B. "I Can't Control What Other People Think..."
1. Just because we can't force a person to think right...that is no reason to encourage them to think wrong!
2. We have a responsibility not to contribute to one's moral delinquency
a. We must not be a stumbling block - Ro 14:13,21; 1 Co 8:13; 10:31-32.
b. Otherwise we fall into grave condemnation - Mt 18:6-7.
C. "How Can Anything Wrong Go On, It Is Tightly Supervised...?"
1. Bodily actions may be well supervised, but no one can supervise the inward thoughts
2. Chaperons can inhibit only what happens on the dance floor...
a. What about afterwards...on the way home?
b. When there is no one to restrain expressing the desires that were aroused during the dance?
D. "Dancing Is Good Exercise..."
1. There are many alternative forms of exercise that do not excite the lusts of the flesh in yourself or others.
2. Are you willing to become a stumbling block to others, just so you can get some exercise? Isn't that rather selfish?
E. "Dancing Is Mentioned In The Bible..."
1. There are four categories of dancing mentioned in the Bible
a. Religious dances of the Old Testament - Exo 15:20-21; 2 Sam 6:14.
b. Expressions of great rejoicing - 1 Sam 18:6.
c. The play of children - Job 21:11; Lk 7:32.
d. Passionate dances, like that of Salome, before King Herod - Mt 14:6
2. Do the first three categories justify Christians engaging in the modern dance today?
a. No, for these are nothing like what is being discussed in this lesson.
b. There is no trace in the Bible that men and women danced as couples
1) "While the mode of dancing is not known in detail, it is clear that men and women did not generally dance together, and there is no real evidence that they ever did. Social amusement was hardly a major purpose of dancing, and the modern method of dancing by couples is unknown." - Zondervan Pictorial Encyclopedia Of The Bible, "Dancing", Vol. 2, p. 12 (1977).
2) "Social dancing, as we now understand it, was almost, if not altogether, unknown in ancient times..." – Hastings Bible Dictionary, p. 550.
3) "Women seemed generally to have danced by themselves...Of the social dancing of couples in the modern fashion there is no trace." - International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, "Games", p. 1170.
c. In fact, dancing in the form of mixed couples did not exist before the 12th Century A.D. - "There is no evidence of couples dancing together, however; that was to happen much later, probably in Provence in the 12th Century." - Encyclopedia Britannica, "The Art Of Dance", Vol. 5, p. 452 (1979).
3. The only thing close to the modern dance today that is mentioned in the Bible is the dance of Herodias' daughter, Salome (and look what happened!).
Conclusion
1. Shall we dance? There are two things we can be sure of...
a. It is wrong to lust in our hearts after others - Mt 5:28.
b. It is wrong to conduct ourselves in any way as to excite the lusts in others; that is lasciviousness, which is condemned as a work of the flesh - Ga 5:19-21.
2. That popular dancing is condemned, can only be denied...
a. By those ignorant of the Scriptures.
b. By those hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
3. Again, let me read what others have said:
"Because of its physical appeal, dance lends itself to erotic purposes and has been practiced to these ends by both sexes." - Encyclopedia Britannica, "The Art Of Dance".
Let us also remember the words of Paul:
"The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Ro 13:12-14).
11. Drugs and Addiction
We are going to look at these causes not merely to identify them, but rather to try to overcome them with the help of God. We will keep in mind that these causes can affect all of us. However, not all people fall into drug addiction because of these factors. Some people are psychologically and socially vulnerable to it.
+ The feeling of emptiness. There is no doubt that some young people suffer from all sorts of emptiness.
+ Intellectual emptiness, which is due it the instability of the spiritual as well as the social understanding in the youth's heart and mind. Perhaps this underlines the role of the church in under girding this understanding.
+ Emotional emptiness which occurs due to a lack of one's sense of belonging and loyalty to country, and the lack of the spirit of sacrifice for it. Loyalty to the family is similarly missing even though we owe it our love, because it has given us so much. A further symptom is disloyalty to the community, which represents a group of individuals among whom one lives and to whom one lives and to whom one belongs.
+ Physical emptiness caused by a tendency to laziness, or isolation; not being involved in sports, social or recreational activities or any literary or artistic activities. These are the ways in which young people make use of their leisure time and during which they develop self-esteem. So they enjoy the outcome of their work and effort.
The importance of the role of the church becomes clear: it has to fill the emptiness, whether it be intellectual, emotional or physical. Undoubtedly, young people who are united to Christ and the church have concepts. Values and means of spending their leisure time in a fruitful way. This allows them to avoid problems which those far from the church and Christ may complain of.
11.1 Undermining of One’s Sense of Values
This is one of the phenomena that have recently increased. The Devil tries to confront us with specific characters out of which he makes heroes and even gods, that people are likely to admire. In the meantime, the Devil tries with all his strength and by all sorts of pressures to crush these idols so that they collapse, causing their worshippers to collapse too. According, the youth reaches the conclusion that it is impossible to live in holiness, or behave honestly. Virtuously and honorably. The result is a state of practical disorder that leads to loss of devotion to principles and virtues, falling thereafter into evil and sin. Perhaps there are many factors that may drive the youth to fell that his or her values are shaken up. Such as:
+ The absence of a good example or an ideal, especially if we follow the example of man of the world or some of the high-ranking people.
+ The kind of injustice that might befall the youth in their studying or working career because of their dedication to their faith and their honesty.
+ The sense of an incapacity to enjoy free self-expression.
Here the church has a leading role: the youth may see the sons of Christ, inside the church, as blessed examples, whether they be monks, clergy or marring laity convincing him or her that it is quite possible to live with God and stick to values.
11.2 The Feeling of Anxiety due to the Difficulties of the Future
The great majority of young people nowadays may be faced with this feeling for a number of reasons, among them:
+ Difficult economic conditions.
+ Complicated social conditions.
+ The desire to attain prompt solutions to problems.
Youth discover that these factors make their hopes and wide prospects difficult to attain. The result is that they are overcome by a feeling of despair and frustration. In fact, the children of God have strong confidence in His love and have moreover experienced it in their lives. Through their struggles and repentance, they have learnt to trust that Christ will manage all their affairs and tackle all their problems. He will face all difficulties with them, accompanying them throughout their lives. "He who did not spare His own son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall he not with Him also freely give us all things?” (Romans 8: 32).
All these factors and more work upon the psychologically and socially vulnerable. Those who are far from the church, those who desert life with Christ, with its repentance and struggle, are driven to a state of psychological disorder. This leads to deviation which, in turn, causes the following:
+ Criminal phenomena such as dissipation, crimes of violence, sex, money, and pleasure.
+ Drug addiction so as to escape problems or as an expression of dissatisfaction with life or the feeling of frustration and the impossibility of fulfilling the goals aspired to.
11.3 Spiritual Consequences of Drug Addiction
Some people may think that the effects of drug addiction are mostly physical, psychological and social ones. However, there are serious spiritual consequences of drug addiction. The following is a discussion of some of them:
+ Drug addiction destroys God's holy temple. "Do you not know that you are the temple of god and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?" (1cor 3: 16). Is it acceptable to take the members of Christ and submit them to corruption and addiction? Is it reasonable to take what Christ descended to redeem and be crucified for and turn it over to drug addiction? The Jewel was bought by Christ's blood so that it would not perish but rather be restored to its original brightness. Is it reasonable to sell it for dust and corrupt it with the wretched? What will there be to gain thereafter? What good will it do to lose one's soul? What value will any treasures of this world have? None at all!
+ Drug addiction is a merciless master. "No one can worship two masters." A person who is enslaved by this cruel master will automatically turn away from following the loving Master, the gracious Father and the Redeemer of humankind. St. Paul the Apostle talked about what is lawful for a child of God and what is not: " All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful. But not all things build up. All things are lawful for me. But I will not be brought under the power of any " (1cor 10: 32, 6: 12). How, then, can people give themselves over to this merciless master, and be able to follow Christ after that? They have lost the freedom of Christ after that? They have lost the freedom of will granted to them by Christ: "so if the Son shall set you free you shall be free indeed" (Jn 8: 36).
11.4 Drug Addiction Drives People to a Series of Sins
When a youth is drawn into sin, it brings many troubles in its wake. In most cases, the drug addict may not have enough money to buy the drug, so what can (s)he do? This person will restrain himself or herself once or twice. However, through drug addiction, they have put themselves under the influence of a merciless master who will impose pressures beyond any imagination. What can young people then do to face these pressures?
+ Will they be driven to robbery so as to provide the money needed to by the costly drugs?
+ Will they be driven to lying, deception and crookedness to attain their goals?
+ Will they be driven to all sorts of crimes in order to rid their bodies of the withdrawal symptoms: In addition, their behavior will be characterized by cowardice fear of punishment, or from being caught in using or possessing drugs. They may be haunted by the horrors of the gloomy future awaiting them.
11.5 Drug Addiction Leads to the Feeling of Defeat and Loss
How aggravating it is for a person to feel defeated. How difficult it is for a person to feel that control of the senses. Of the physical energy, or even the body itself is lost. Indeed, it is very hard for a person to accept the feeling of failure. We know that God has not given us a spirit of failure but one of power, love and self-control. For this very reason. An addict may feel that the hand of the Lord has forsaken him or her and that God has given him or her up to a base-mind, so the feeling of loss arises. The addict especially has to face through his or her addiction, the feeling of almost complete inability to work, think, concentrate, or remember, there are also the physical disabilities of an enfeebled body and problems in sexual relations. We have to be confident that Christ is able to save us from such a hateful and fatal feeling and the loss of self-respect.
11.6 Drug Addiction Hinders a Person's Repentance
What motivates a person to repent? Is it not the person's feeling of sin which has aroused the Lord's anger and his or her resolution to rise and return to God? But what if the person's will has been weakened and (s)he is obsessed by a feeling of defeat and loss? (S)he would have no other choice but to evade the issue of repentance. And postpone it. So it is difficult for the addict to lead the life of repentance for several reasons, including:
+ The inability to face up to oneself and one’s sins.
+ A multiplicity of sons, the one leading to the other until the person is swamped with problems.
+ A sense of defeat, loss of will-power and indifference.
+ Getting involved in bad company and caught up in their sins.
11.7 Drug Addiction Deprives the Person of Both the Kingdom of God and the Crown
This is where it all leads. After the addict has lost everything: selfhood, energy, health, senses, family, relatives, community and country, they would have to face the greatest unparalleled loss, namely the loss of the Kingdom of God and eternal crown. What can there possibly be to gain, once one has given up oneself to destruction and ruin? Isn't the truth plain for all to see? We pray that Christ will have mercy on us and keep us from falling into bad company and becoming a prey to evil.
12. Dating
The issue of dating, especially non-Christians is probably the most controversial issue that we will discuss on Christian dating. It has been addressed in the 1979 book, "Dating Guidelines from the Bible" Baker Book House, Grand Rapids Michigan. Before we start on this very touchy issue, let me encourage you to keep an open mind throughout the discussion. Please do not reject what I say until you think it through.
Before we start, let me once again encourage you to honestly examine your attitudes. Like Paul, is your sole ambition in life to be pleasing to the Lord? Do you really want God's will and God’s very best in your dating life?
In John 14:15, Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." God has given some clear guidelines in the Bible. You must ask yourself, "Do I really love God and want to please Him strongly enough to obey these guidelines---even though they may be hard?"
We need to understand why God gives commands in Scripture so that we don't react to biblical guidelines out of ignorance. Personally, I can't stand for someone to tell me what to do. Are you like that? Human nature is like that. If we are told outright not to do something, we tend to react and to go ahead and do it just to prove our independence. If I were to put a sign on a storefront window downtown that said, "Please don't throw a brick through this window," what would happen? Someone would throw a brick through the window, of course! We need to beware of reacting to God's commands in such a foolish manner.
We can be assured that if God tells us not to something, then He has a very good reason. God is not a divine killjoy who searches the earth for those having a good time, shouting down, "Hey you, cut that out!" No, when God gives us commandments, it is for a very good reason. First, He gives us commandments to protect us from hurting ourselves. He is all knowing, and can see that certain things will cause us great problems on down the road. Second, god gives us commands to provide the very best for us. His commandments are an expression of His love, to insure that we get the very best.
12.1 Dating Non-Christians: Biblical Principles
Sue Ellen was a vivacious senior in high school who had just recently discovered the Lord. I was a non-Christian at the time but was attracted to her and to the quality of life that she exhibited. I never had the opportunity to date her, because she was going steady with another guy, but she did invite me to some Christian youth meetings sponsored by the Campus Crusade for Christ. Eventually, she shared the gospel with me and I trusted Jesus Christ to save me and to forgive my sins. I began to grow in the Lord, but Sue Ellen began to slip in her relationship with God. She broke up with the Christian guy that she had been dating for three years and began to date a young, non-Christian lawyer. She had just graduated from high school and this guy was a sharp lawyer, and he simply snowed her. She fell in love (or at least became infatuated) and married him three months later. Meanwhile, however, she was growing colder and colder toward spiritual things. Their marriage was rocky, and less than a year later they were divorced. By this time Sue Ellen was hardened by the world and utterly cold toward the Lord.
Several months later, a friend and I went over to her apartment to talk to her about her relationship with Christ. She actually asked us to leave her apartment and stop talking to her about Jesus. She didn't want to hear anything about it. I now some six years later and, as far as I know, she is still apathetic and cold toward spiritual things. Sue Ellen's experience is only one of many, many examples I have seen when dating a non-Christian ruined the spiritual life of a person. I've worked with high school students for seven years and have seen that dating a non-Christian is one of the major reasons for losing interest in spiritual things.
There are no Bible passages that say, "Thou shall not date a non-Christian." But there are many passages that teach that a Christian should no marry a non-believer. Let's look at II Corinthians 6:14 for example. It reads, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" The phrase, "Do not be bound together" is translated, "Be ye not unequally yoked" in the King James Version. If you hitched an ox and a horse together to pull a wagon, several things would probably happen. The animals would probably go around in circles, for the horse's legs are longer. They would probably fight and bite at each other, and pull in different directions trying to get away from one another. Whatever the case, you wouldn't get much work done.
This is the way it often is when a Christian is married to a non-Christian. They go in circles in their relationship, fight with one another, or pull in different directions. Paul's picture is vivid and the point is obvious. It is not wise to marry a non-believer.
Paul also warns against marrying a non-believer in several other verses. In I Corinthians 7:39, Paul points out that a widow is free to remarry, but only in the Lord (i.e., only a believer.) In I Corinthians 9:5, Paul says that he has the right to take a believing wife (literally a "sister" as his wife.) This implies that it is wrong to take an unbelieving wife.
Human beings are composed of body, soul, and spirit. When a Christian marries a non-Christian, the most they can have is two-thirds of a relation ship: A Christian and a non-Christian can relate physically (body). They can relate emotionally and intellectually (soul). But it is impossible for them to relate spiritually because a non-Christian is spiritually dead. This is especially significant when you stop to consider that the spirit is the most important part of a person. The spiritual relationship is intended by God to regulate the physical and emotional areas. If you are not right spiritually it will hurt you in every other area.
A husband and wife need a complete, whole relationship. Marriage has tremendous pressures, and marriage partners need all their resources going for them when they get married. Recent statistics show that 40 percent of all marriages end in divorce, when there is a prayer and family devotion in the home. What makes the difference? Obviously, it is the spiritual area. Can you see now how foolish it is to marry a non-Christian?
But young people often object, "Sure, I believe that I should marry a Christian, but why can't I date a non-Christian? Just because I date someone does not mean that I am going to marry him (or her). If I date only Christians then I won't get a date at all because there are no Christian guys (or girls) around." My reply to this objection is that you begin habits and patterns in dating that carry over to marriage. If you usually date non-Christians, then chances are you will marry a non-Christian. Once we get seriously and emotionally involved in a relationship, we have difficulty controlling our hearts and we lose spiritual discernment. There is a very predictable process of spiritual decline that I have seen occur time after time when a Christian begins to date a non-Christian. I think it might be helpful if I shared it with you.
12.2 Satan Tempts
Satan will bring a really attractive person into your life. Listen, Satan's temptations are tempting. He will not bring some ugly person along who doesn't interest you anyway. No, Satan will bring someone along toward whom you are really attracted. Girls, perhaps it will be that football player who is so popular. Guys, maybe it will be some cute cheerleader who starts flirting with you. Whatever the case, this person will seem perfect in every way except that he or she is cold toward spiritual things.
12.3 You Rationalize
Instead of resisting the temptation (1 Peter 5:8), you begin to rationalize your feelings about this person. "Jus this once..." "Well, it's better than sitting at home." "He is a nice guy." "Maybe I can witness to him."
12.4 You Give In and Go Out
You start spending time with this person. You may even greatly enjoy the relationship, but it is not on a spiritual plane. Often you find yourself involved in a deep physical relationship very quickly.
12.5 You fall in Love (or Become Infatuated)
It is amazing how often this happens. I had one good friend who was a strong Christian and was one of the Christian leaders on her campus. She told me later that she had never really fallen for a guy in her life (and she was extremely beautiful.) Some of us guys thought that she had a heart of stone! The summer of her junior year she went home to her small hometown to work for the summer. There was no real Christian fellowship for her to become involved in and so it was a dry summer. One weekend a guy at work asked her out. She didn't have anything else to do so she went out with him, even though he was not Christian. You guessed it--she fell in love with him!
12.6 You Must Choose Between that Person and God
You must make a choice, either consciously or unconsciously, between God and that person. If you choose God, you will be hurt emotionally because you must break off the relationship. But if you choose the other person, then you will be hurt spiritually because you are putting another person before God.
